his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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