i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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