i dont even know how to be here
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
