You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
no you cant smoke seaweed
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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