dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
