I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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