I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
