You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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