friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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