I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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