i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
