we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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