never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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