my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The power of my boobs compel you
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
