Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
