i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
