I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
