There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
