He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
