we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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