i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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