do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
