SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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