Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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