Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
