I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She even gives head with a lisp.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
