Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
