i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
