my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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