I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
