Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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