Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
