the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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