i may or may not be watching the land before time
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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