After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
