I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
