drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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