just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila