i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
25 People Confess What Theyâ€™re Shamefully Attracted To
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night