So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.