I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me