Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Four minutes until I can fart!
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you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
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On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.