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Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
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