i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?