Soap is not a condiment
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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