Plan B is the new Plan A
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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