My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
