paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
