I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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