I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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