arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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