someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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