he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
