Where are you?
In a non slutty way
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Boobs are out for the taking
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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