Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
