She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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