Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
