dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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