I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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