sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
