I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
