I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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