and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
