She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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