whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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