dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
