The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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