I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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