her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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