idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
