Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
