yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
