i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
