Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
