i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
