is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
