census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
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I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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