Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
