is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
