There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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