I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
