In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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