Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
