You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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