She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
