Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
