so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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