does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
