I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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